Joke of the Week

An elderly couple is lying in bed one morning having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me!"

"Why not," he says.

She answers back, "Because I'm dead."

The husband says to her, "What on earth are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."

The wife says, "Not so, I'm definitely dead."

Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you are dead?"

His wife answers, "I know I'm dead because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."

Joke of the Week

Excerpt from the classified section of a city newspaper:

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Joke of the Week

Neighbor: "Where are you going Beatrice?"

Great Aunt Beatrice: "To see my Arithmetic Relatives."

Neighbor: "Why do you call them that?"

Great Aunt Beatrice: "Because they add to my misery, they subtract from my pleasure, they divide my attention, and they multiply like the dickens."

Joke of the Week

It usually takes five years for a tree to produce nuts, but this isn't true of a family tree.

Joke of the Week

"Oh yes," said Mrs. Lowell-Cabot, proudly, "we can trace our ancestors back to-to-well, I don't know exactly who, but we've been descending for centuries."

Joke of the Week

"My grandfather plays the piano by ear."

"Well, if we must boast--my grandfather fiddles with his beard."

Joke of the Week

Jacob, age 85, and Rebecca, age 79, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and as they walk go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."
Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."

Joke of the Week

Bumper Sticker: Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Joke of the Week

An epitaph on a grave marker in England:

Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I,
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tomestone:

To follow you I'll not consent,
Until I know which way you went.

Book Review: "Last Laughs"

A fun cartoon book to look at regarding aging, retirement and death is "Last Laughs" edited by Mort Gerberg. For example, there is a cartoon depicting a grocery story with an old man pushing a shopping cart. Two old women discussing the old man say, "A great catch. He's a widower, still frisky, and has fully paid-up-long-term-care insurance." Take a look here.

Joke of the Week

An older couple was watching TV. The man stretches and says, "Honey, I think I'll go to the kitchen and get some ice cream. Would you like some?"

"Believe I would thanks."

"Would you like some chocolate sauce on it?"

"Yes, I would . . . but now be sure and write that down so you won't forget."

Her husband glares, shakes his head, and marches off to the kitchen. Twenty minutes pass as the husband rustles about. Finally, he reappears, carrying a plateful of scrambled eggs.

"Why," exclaims the wife, "I told you to write it down. Here you've come back and forgotten my bacon!"

Joke of the Week

I've got to the age when I need my false teeth and my hearing aid before I can ask where I've left my glasses.

Joke of the Week

Dude Awakening (WSJ 8/28/98)

When they told me life was
Different from school
I dismissed it with a scoff.
Then I suffered a shock
When I first found
You don't get summers off!

Paul Richards

Joke of the Week

Excerpt from the classified section of a city newspaper.

Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Joke of the Week

George M------, son of Prof. and Mrs. E. S. M------, is now connected permanently with the ------- funeral home, where he will be pleased to see his friends. Shreveport paper.

Joke of the Week

City Aunt: "And what brought you to town, Henry?"

Henry: "Oh, wll, I jus' come to see the sights, and I thought that I'd call on you first."

Joke of the Week

Suzie--"Mamma, you know that vase you said had been handed down from generation to generation."
Mother--"Yes, my dear."
Suzie--"Well, this generation has just dropped it."

Joke of the Week

Personal Ad: Lawyer will read Will tomorrow at residence of Billy Bob Smith (name changed) who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives. Teaneck (N.J.) paper.

Check out our site here regarding estate planning.

Epitaphs To Encourage Estate Planning

An epitaph is Greek for "on the grave." An Epitaph is text honoring the dead, usually inscribed on a tombstone or read at a funeral. Here are a few examples of epitaphs written by individuals to be inscribed on their own tombstones at death:

"I told you I was sick." --Tombstone of Spike Milligan (1918-2002), Brittish actor.
"I'm in on a plot." --Tombstone of Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980), Brittish director.
"That's All Folks!" --Epitaph of Mel Blanc, The Man of a Thousand Voices.
"Keep Looking Up was my life's admonition
I can do little else in my present position." -- Jack Horkheimer (1938-2010), astronomer.

Cato the Elder (234-149 BC) said, "After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one." Doing your estate planning is one of the greatest gifts you can give your family. Your estate plan may not be considered a monument at your death or be inscribed upon your tombstone. But your family will honor you forever if you take the time now to do your estate planning. Do it today. Check out our site here for information regarding estate planning.

A fun question to ask yourself, "What would I inscribe on my tombstone?"

Joke of the Week

Friend: "Was your grandmother's mind vigorous and sane up to the very last?"
Heir: "I don't know--the will won't be read until tomorrow."

Check out our website here for additional information regarding estate planning.